Downtime

 

So its been a while but the time really has flown in. Its been a combination of things really. Interference on the heart monitor when I go near a PC, work and that godforsaken membership system. Ive become a one woman membership team in that place, not the funnest job around managing 2000 members who all want their birthday cards and presents and free this, that and the other, and they want it all NOW! Ahem. Anyways....

So Im back in the hospital on the 19th to get a shitload of results for various things, of course Ive been warned it aint gonna be pretty, but then when is it ever! My results often look worse than myself fresh out of bed first thing in the morning, and trust me, that takes something! Ive been feeling the strain a bit lately, getting tired a lot quicker during the day than normal, and pushing it a bit over Christmas and the New Year with all the special events in work and us going electronic etc is starting to catch up on me now.

Last night I was so tired I was physically ill, which wasnt fun when I was on sheets, cant leave the desk y'see. More than a few times I had to ask the supervisor to cover me and of course she got worried, told one of the other staff Id been in and out of the loo all night, who then told the manager I was ill, who then told me off for not telling her I was ill despite it being obvious as apparently ghosts had a better complexion than me last night. But I made it to the end of the shift despite being nearly persecuted by the 3 of them to go home, illness doesnt beat me these days. 

Ill try and update sooner next time, Im sure it'll all be fun and games again once Im back at the Rialto Playhouse.

Separation Complete

I always said that Id pull myself away as far as possible from my family as soon as I could, and I think now I can safely say I have completely separated myself from them. It feels like a massive relief. I know it sounds awful, but it is hard to describe how good I feel knowing Ill never have to cross their paths again.

 The day of the addition of the heart monitor looms large now, and I swear if I hear one more joke along the lines of "aww Trish, and here we were thinking you didnt have a heart!" whoever that person is, I swear Im going to find the biggest, smelliest, runniest, cow pat I can find in the fields of Ireland and serve it to you for dinner with a cherry on top! And maybe a little mash on the side, just cos Im nice like that!

 

Damn Hosts!

So this blog is being shut down and will be gone for good, so Im hastily setting up a new one and copying and pasting the posts from the beginning of this year in, so sorry if it seems a bit all over the place at the moment! Ill slowly but surely get the whole thing tidied up, pwomise!

 Edit: I think its all done now, so lets hope theres no hiccups anywhere, so this is the new home!

Sorry
My apologies for not updating in a month and not answering mails and texts, its been a claustrophobic few weeks so I really just needed a bit of space when I wasnt working or at the hospital. You know how it is. But Im back to my old self now and getting stuck into catching up on all the things I should have done lately so its all good! Im trying at the moment to organise a bit of breathing space from all the medical stuff so that I can get a break away for a while, you know, those things people call holidays, not familiar with them myself ;p  The plan at the moment seems to be a few days in Conors aunts cottage in Newcastle, both of us could do with the break to just relax in peace and do absolutely nothing, and you, yes you, you know who you are, I can sense that smirk on your face reading that! F.R.I.E.N.D.S. ok? Good. All I have to do now is get "permission", ridiculous isnt it.

The Next Step

Ive had another mild heart attack. So of course Im being turned into a lab rat again so they can figure out the next course of action, the doc says its inevitable that Ill now be fitted with a holter monitor so they can see how abnormal my heart rhythm is. Ive been warned not to even think about going into my "leave me alone" mode this time or theyre gonna admit me until theyve done everything they want to. They have me seriously scared now, normally they'll give me a few days breathing space to digest things. Still, at least theyre keeping the students away from me for a change.

New Job
I started a new job last night, youve no idea how much of a relief that is, it restores some sort of normality to my life again. Theyre a lovely bunch of people too, and most of the customers are very friendly and welcoming. The hours are absolutely perfect for me, and with a travel time from home of only 5 minutes, I cant really ask for much more!

The Joys of Anaesthetic
Im the first to admit that anaesthetics have always had an intoxicating affect on me, thats pretty common knowledge at the hospital. Whether it be local or general, it seems to affect me in the same way as a night downing one drink after another and the subsequent hangover the next morning. Not to mention the complete lack of inhibition until the effects wear off. But at least I can say Ive never started singing Im Too Sexy for my Gown at 3am on a hospital ward, unlike the woman opposite me last night :D

Pondering

Its been a long few weeks. Ive had plenty of time to think about things I usually try to push to the back of my mind. The counsellor said the other day it was the first time since Ive been going there I didnt try and change subjects, or make an excuse to leave, or protest about having to be there. And she was right, I dont think I once thought "I want to be anywhere but here". Having said that, shes still on at me because despite being more receptive, I still barely said two words about anything, but saying anything at all apparently is progress. I dont like her idea of needing to "break me down" as she puts it. She still doesnt seem to understand that I dont need help to work out how the illness affects me, I know only too well its impact! She still insists I mask issues by pretending theyre not there, but she really is seeing problems that simply dont exist.

Straight From the Textbook
I was at a "get together" the doc asked me to go on today, basically it was a group session of sorts for people dealing with prolonged illness, more specifically dealing with the way illness impacts on realtionships between the patient and relatives, friends, partners etc. I knew one or two people that were there as well and was talking to them after it, and they seemed to have the same view I did of the speaker. It was almost like she was reciting passages from a textbook about how we and others feel and act at certain times, with little understanding of how it really is at all. At one point when she opened the floor for discussion, she actually told one guy when he said from his experience that she said held little truth in reality, that he was wrong and she was right because she'd done indepth study of this kind of thing. Sorry love, but not indepth enough, as he said what we were all thinking!

Thats All Folks!
Ive taken what I can stands, and I cant stands no more! So yeah, Im packing in college. Ive thought to myself "What the hell are you doing here?" for the final time. I dont belong there, I never did. Something as important as education isnt designed to play second fiddle. I always preferred the piano anyway.

One Wrong Letter Makes all the Difference!
Brendan showed me something in my file today that put a smile back on my face for a while. On my notes from when I broke my leg a while ago, the doctor that saw me seemed to have his mind elswhere, because according to him I was "examined, x-rated, plastered, and discharged" I mean, come on, I know Ive got up to the odd misdemeanour in my time, but surely nothing worth more than a 15 cert! ( I can feel the "and then some" look on your face from here Niamh :D )

It Seems Im Pregnant Again
Yes thats right, for the I dont know how manyth time, my urine test is telling them Im pregnant! This really is getting tiring, according to them I should be a mother of a whole brood by now! Of course I had to go for the scan, again, and of course it was clear, again. Anyone want to start a book on when the next one will be?

Trish Versus The Counsellor
Now we all know I loathe counsellors, dont we. And that many a time Ive made up the daftest excuse (anyone remember the one about being stuck in a taxi on the day of the taxi strike, oops!) to avoid my appointments. But this week was meant to be my last. But apparently not. You see, according to miss know it all, I have, in her words, "co-existence issues". Really now. And that would be? Well let me tell you the explanation I got. It seems myself and my illness dont get along too well together. And here was me thinking we lived perfectly in harmony with each other, how silly of me! And because of this terrible, unexplainable issue, I have to put up with miss know it all for another bloody 3 months until this issue can be resolved. I cant wait to see how this ones gonna go!

Knowing the Difference Between Your Elbow and Your Arse
This can be a bit useful when you're training to be a doctor. I had a visit from the students today, and one in particular caught my attention. And no, before you even think it, it wasnt because I fancied him ok, well not this time ;p   I was too concerned with my well being to concern myself with his looks, his spiky brown hair, his 6 foot 2 frame, his.... only joking :D   No, my attention turned to his lack of ability to listen to what Brendan was saying. He was asked to look in my right ear, he looked into my left, he was asked to describe the main sympton of my condition, he had to ask what the condition was, twice. He was asked if he thought I was a suitable candidate for surgery, he said yes, despite it clearly saying in my notes that no further surgery should be considered. Worrying stuff!

You Shouldnt Listen In!

There was a woman beside me on the ward that I think may have learned its not always a good idea to listen in today. Apparently she heard the doc asking me to get undressed and decided to save some time she'd do the same. When the doc went in to her after he'd finished with me the look on his face was priceless! She was sitting there butt naked waiting for him! That might have been remotely useful, had it not been that she was in to have her tonsils out and all he wanted to do was have a look at her throat!

New Year, Old Body

Three weeks ago I died. I was gone. But they brought me back, and no one knows how or why Im not a vegetable. But something is wrong. I dont feel the same. Ive started a new blog because the old one feels like a different person wrote it. Maybe as I write this one Ill find out what it is that doesnt fit into place.